Confessions from 5 women who've dated men in finance
Getty Images; Jenny Chang-Rodriguez/BI
- A popular TikTok suggests many women are "looking for a man in finance" who's also tall and wealthy.
- Five women who have experience dating men in finance told Business Insider what it's actually like.
- Some found long days at demanding jobs tricky, but others found ways to make the relationships work.
Last week, I went looking for women dating men in finance.
"You want to hear our pain firsthand?" is one of the first responses I got when I posted on X, formerly Twitter, asking people to share their experiences.
If that rings a bell, you've likely been earwormed by 27-year-old content creator Megan Boni, who shot to fame in April for a 19-second video she posted on TikTok. The clip shows her singing, with vocal fry, "I'm looking for a man in finance. Trust fund. 6'5". Blue eyes."
After her video racked up over 53 million views, Boni signed a deal with a major record label and performed a remixed version of her catchphrase with electronic DJ David Guetta.
If nothing else, Boni has turned the spotlight back onto the rarefied Wall Street world of suits, ties, and Patagonia vests. The Wall Street Journal has already declared it "The Summer of the Finance Bro."
She may have also unwittingly boosted their appeal to potential suitors. The League, a dating and social networking app that says it's for "ambitious" singles, reported male users who said they work in finance received likes "10% faster than before" and increased matches since Boni's TikTok blew up.
As someone who is dating a man in finance, I'll be the first to admit that having a relationship with someone in an industry reputed for toxic workplaces isn't always as fun as it sounds. There have been date nights interrupted by an urgent work call or email, and times when I woke up at 3 a.m. to my partner getting home from the office, bleary-eyed and exhausted.
Working in finance, however, can mean many things, and the average "finance guy" in the United States is most likely far from "The Wolf of Wall Street."
The Bureau of Labor Statistics put the number of Americans — not just men — working in "financial activities at over 9.2 million as of May. That number includes middle- and back-office employees in operational roles like tech and marketing who are often paid in the low six figures. While still well above the nation's median salary, their compensation pales in comparison to the jobs people think of when it comes to Wall Street: investment bankers, private-equity dealmakers, and traders. Those roles can make millions of dollars a year.
Here, five women with firsthand experience dating a man in finance share their experiences. Some women spoke to Business Insider on the condition of anonymity so they could speak freely about their dating experiences. Their identities are known to BI.
Some women dating men with demanding jobs discussed the challenges, from getting stood up due to work running late and endless conversations about golf and money. Others, however, said qualities they appreciated in their finance-industry partners were their ambition and ability to pay their own way.
They're often unavailable and can be self-involved
A self-described "hopeless romantic," Cristina Vanko gravitates toward guys who are "clean cut" and professional, with a good sense of humor.
Vanko, a 35-year-old advertising art director based in NYC, has dated enough men in finance that she can now spot them from their outfits (vests and expensive watches) and how they hold conversations (charming, but never diving "too deep").
Her recent experiences include a February first date with a 37-year-old JPMorgan banker who wouldn't stop talking about his work schedule and how "unavailable" it made him.
It came off like a warning but also a test, she added, almost as if he was trying to gauge whether she'd be OK with him prioritizing work going forward.
"When you're in love with somebody, I think you could still make yourself available," she said. "My mom's a doctor. Like, you're not saving lives."
Spencer Platt/Getty Images
Vanko described a different romantic encounter with a guy she met up with more than once who worked in private equity.
He was open about his reluctance to commit due to work and travel. At one point, she asked him if he was seeing anyone else. She said he responded frankly: "I have a London girl. You're my American girl, and I have a girl in Berlin."
One of Vanko's longest entanglements was with a vice president at Goldman Sachs, whom she met on a dating app in 2023. Their first date was at a wine bar. From the cable-knit sweater he'd thrown on to the Rolex watch poking out from beneath his sleeve, Vanko clocked him as a "finance bro" instantly.
After a few more dates, she went on vacation to Los Angeles and returned to find he was dating someone else. Vanko said he slid back into her DMs when that relationship ended, complaining about his inability to find a partner and settle down.
Reflecting on his attitude, Vanko said, "I'm not your therapist. I'm happy to be your friend. But it got to the point that I was just like, 'You're complaining about this other girl. Weren't you trying to date me?'"
Couples need trust to feel comfortable with the long workdays
A 24-year-old based in Chicago said her fiancé, a financial analyst for the auto industry, is proof that not all men in finance are cut from the same cloth.
"He's an extremely humble person, and he just has the biggest heart," said the Chicago resident, who works in PR and communications. Because they've been a couple for eight years, she said, she knew him before his "excruciating work hours."
If she didn't know him so well, she said, she might feel "anxiety" about the lack of communication and access to his phone he typically has during long days on the job.
She said she understands why people trying to pursue relationships with men in finance might wonder: "Does this guy even like me? He's not responding to me. He doesn't want to hang out with me."
She said they've had to have "hard conversations" and set "boundaries" to ensure they prioritize each other despite their demanding careers.
Big date nights happen a handful of times a month — and always on weekends — but they try to have dinner together during the week without phones or laptops present, she said.
I asked her about the Journal's claim of a "finance bro" summer.
"What finance bro is actually having a finance bro summer?" she asked. "They don't really get a lot of time off."
Some seem obsessed with playing golf and making money
In the summer of 2023, a woman interning at a private investment management firm in Boston met a senior investment consultant on a dating app. The woman, who asked to be referred to by her middle name, Summer, is now 23 and based in Washington DC.
On paper, he fit her type — older, good-looking, and ambitious. They went on to date most of that summer.
According to Summer, he was "obsessed" with two things: golf and money. These interests were obvious from how often he brought them up in conversation and also from the miniature golf set in the apartment he repeatedly told her cost him $4,000 a month in rent.
Bob Thomas/Getty
"One time, I told him, 'You know what? I really want to go to the Hamptons,'" she said.
His response? "Well, I don't make enough money to go there. You should date someone who has more money.'" Her response? "That's not why I'm dating you. I'm dating you because I enjoy your company."
In addition to other misgivings about him, Summer said their conversations never went beyond the surface despite her efforts to dig deeper.
The relationship ended abruptly toward the end of her internship, Summer said, a week after they became exclusive.
In text messages shared with BI, Summer's former fling said they were going in two "different directions." She also said he told her he couldn't see her because he was getting shoulder surgery, which would prevent him from being intimate with her.
Looking back roughly a year later, Summer said she thinks he only saw her as "an attractive person."
"I don't think he saw me as an actual person," she added.
It can be a relief to be with someone who earns a good salary
A 25-year-old working in marketing in NYC said she's drawn to men in finance because she works in an "industry that you don't make a lot of money."
"My ex-boyfriend was literally a starving artist, and it was awful," she said. "I just wanted someone who made money and who would give me a nice lifestyle."
Not to mention, she added, "ambition is sexy."
"Someone who works hard is better than a bum," she said.
Still, dating her current partner, an investment banking analyst, since 2022 hasn't always been smooth sailing.
The work hours are tough, and there have been nights, especially in the first year of the relationship, when she'd turn up at his apartment only to be let in by his roommate and be left waiting hours for him to come home from work.
She and the investment banker are preparing to move in together. Last Sunday, she said she was left packing boxes by herself after he said he had too much work to help.
It's tough, but she said it's not like he's just ditching her to go drinking with his buddies. As she put it, it's more like he has to do his work or he "will get fired."
Overall, she feels like she "got lucky" with her boyfriend because he makes an effort to prioritize her, like working from home whenever he can manage it just to be close to her — something she knows not all bankers do.
She warned anyone dating an investment banker that it's "nice in theory and hard in practice."
"You will get canceled on," she added.
You may have to live by their schedule
A 24-year-old marketing professional in NYC was friends with a man who worked in finance for years before their relationship blossomed into something more romantic.
They dated for a year and a half, during which he worked in investment banking.
Physically, he fit Boni's TikTok to a T. "I swear to God that TikTok was made about him," she said. "Someone must have seen him on the street."
When they started dating, the marketer said she told herself, "He works a lot, but I can manage. I'll just see him when I can see him."
But endless work hours, which sometimes stretched until 4 a.m. and took over weekends, proved too much, especially as he'd routinely ditch dinners with her family or cancel date nights due to his schedule.
The marketer said her mantra became telling herself the trying schedule wouldn't last forever because many investment bankers eventually transition to easier-going roles.
But by November 2023, she said was done being "second to someone's job."
"I was like, 'Listen, man, you want to have your job, I totally respect that, but I need to have my own life,'" she recalled to BI.
In hindsight, they just weren't "meant to be," she added.
That aside, her advice to anyone in NYC taking the viral TikTok about looking for a man in finance to heart is to "widen their horizons."
"There's so much more than just the finance bros," she said.
He's been 'saving' his entire life for me
Aniesia Williams — a 43-year-old entrepreneur and chief client officer for a tech firm Epigen — had little experience dating men in finance.
But in January, Williams matched with her now-boyfriend, Dennis Morrow, on Bumble.
Williams, based in Raleigh, North Carolina, said Morrow lives about three hours away, in Charlotte. He works for Bank of America combatting fraud and moonlights as a comedian, Williams added.
She usually dated people in her sector older than 40. Morrow is 36.
From their first date, Williams said she was transparent that she was "dating to marry."
Morrow was completely on board, something that she found refreshing. "He was like, 'I have prayed, I have worked, and I have been saving for this,'" she said.
Courtesy of Aniesia Williams
Williams said they've been conscious about planning to spend time together thanks to the distance between their cities and their busy work schedules.
But she's noticed that a benefit of his career is how well he manages his personal finances.
"This is my first relationship where I have had a man to come to me like, 'I am ready for you,'" she said.
Williams and Morrow plan to move in together in Charlotte in September. While she enjoys his financial savvy, she said his job didn't make a huge difference.
"I could have cared less," she said. "I just wanted to make sure that he was a good human."
from Business Insider https://ift.tt/Hnq4IoU
via IFTTT
Comments
Post a Comment